Doggystyle

Chuck Mandell asks:

Why do they call it doggy style when there are so many species who use this same method to reproduce? A few to list would be lions, bears and even dung beetles. What makes canines so special that they get there own fornication style?

Chuck Mandell

Dear Chuck,

The most obvious answer would be that canines are the species second-most commonly bestialized by humans, next to sheep.  And, as sheep are generally favoured by unmarried shepherds that rarely need to excuse their behaviour, human/canine intercourse has become the popular standard.

Interestingly, it is due to this popular form of recreation that canines are known as ‘man’s best friend’.  To this day, the most commonly wielded excuse for cross-species infidelity is the phrase: “It didn’t mean anything, honey, we’re just good friends.”

Esquire Peabody, however, may have a somewhat different answer to your question.  Once, when I was doing research in my lab late at night, Peabody emerged from the storage closet and proceeded to refresh himself with the carton of milk he kept in the refrigerator I store my stem cells in.

“Esquire Peabody!” I exclaimed, surprised at his sudden appearance.  “I thought you were in the midst of copulating with my young lab assistant, Kelly!?”

Peabody nodded calmly as he swallowed his milk.  “I am, Doctor,” he said.  And, in truth, I could hear the sounds of ecstasy emanating from the storage closet still.

Exasperated, I struggled to form my question: “But…how?”

“That’s the advantage of doggy-style,” Peabody replied with a devious smirk.  “She’s not looking.”

I don’t think I need to explain to you why lions, bears, and dung beetles are lower on the list, Chuck.  Lions and bears shred things much more efficiently than do dogs, and dung beetles are just too small.

Your sports-commentator for tonsil-hockey,
Dr. Cragglehold, Ph.D.